Posts tagged blog

Maybe we were conditioned to be sad girls. Just a thought. All those songs, novellas and stories. Always looking for something that’s not there.

As dumb as it sounds sometimes I miss being heart broken. Loving someone senselessly, missing like crazy. So masochistic, and yet fueled somehow by hope.

Home’s been nice. My mom had knee surgery yesterday so I’ve been helping her out around the house. Kinda made me feel like the roles switched for this instance anyway. Earlier I was making her chicken soup and she was super hungry and kept insisting I serve her (mostly she was starving cause she hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning) and so I did and she goes, “hmm the veggies are still hard” and I go “well, you didn’t wanna wait. I told you so” and I had this weird role reversal moment hahaha 
I’d take care of her any day, I owe her life, lessons, and continuous love!  <3 

I was talking to Lil the other day about life and freak outs or a sense of purposelessness and she said she watched a documentary on happiness and that they interviewed a bunch of people of different cultures and although a lot of them practiced different things to remain content. There was a common interval of people being happy when they had community and purpose (or some combination of the two).
Food for thought.

All I wanna do is eat everything bagels and listen to the Banda Machos station for the rest of the day.

•I think I’ve been so bored lately because I haven’t been intellectually stimulated in a while. I need to search out substance and context.
• I also wanna start taking care of myself more, like what I put into my body.
• sometimes you gotta be shameless.

It’s been a weird past few weeks. Everything around me is moving so fast, sometimes I think even faster than this time last year. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve looked at the clock and though, “oh fuck it’s 8pm already.”
I spent the day with my friends Chels and Carol. Working on a comic with Chels, watching Malcolm in the Middle on Netflix and eating beans and rice that Carol made. It was such a wonderful time. They leave for Mexico next Monday, leaving sc for good. Maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling so sad lately, another pair of friends leaving.
It’s starting to get to me more so because in an effort to allow ourselves to be more of individuals my best friend and I have been allowing ourselves space. I miss them though, too much too be honest. I’ve been feeling so sad and lonely. Idk.
Everything will be ok. I’m so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life. Just sad that’s all, just feeling it all.

I woke up feeling so blahhhh. I need more, something… Everything’s been so surface lately. Like surface fun, surface conversations, surface interactions. I need life talks and substance. Just more.

Sometimes I trip out cause I don’t recognize the current version of me. So many new places, so many new roles, so many new faces. Everyone is so awesome too, so I’m not even tripping about that.
I guess i just miss the old times sometimes. The innocence, the friends, the calm evenings, and being able to quiet my mind enough to actually read. Fuck. Part of me doesn’t allow myself to dive too deep into these nostalgic thoughts because those calm times will come once again.
I’m definitely feeling the growing pains.

There was a moment during this weekend when I felt the universe reassure me that I would love again. It made me feel so nice and in love with life. ^_^

•My car just got towed away. Hopefully the mechanic takes care of it.

•There’s a cute dude staying at my house, he says he’s making his way to Washington- started off by Fresno. All I wanna do is stare at his face.

•I was in the desert with the homies this weekend. Spent most of it by myself cause I worked the event and finding people was too much of a hassle. Tripped out by myself but it was cool, I think I needed it. All of it. It all made me realize that I’m my own being again. MY OWN. That’s huge!!! I feel free! A little weird; not sad but weird cause I was so used to being linked to this other person and being in their presence. I feel so whole and strong!

• I’m pretty sure I saw Sofia Vergara and Jake Gyllenhaal! Hahaha

•New beginnings ^_^ aka watching Sailor Moon’s first ep!